Posted on by Gianna McGowan

“Bonnie” and Female Friendships

What roles do female friendships play in this story? An Evaluation of “Bonnie” (pages 42-48)

In the memoir Mean, by Myriam Gurba, the role of female friendships is explored. This can be seen in many of the passages throughout the book, but especially in “Bonnie.”  This passage details Gurba’s experience with her new friends at her private high school, and has led me to the question, What role do female friendships play in this story? In this section, Gurba describes her new friends in detail, noting their heritage and characteristics beyond that. She feels more closely connected with friends that share her similar Mexican roots, stating that “One of them, Frida, was half Mexican. That attracted me to her” (42). This is a common theme throughout the book, with Gurba feeling more closely connected to people who come from similar backgrounds as her. In this passage, she details how her white friend Ashley tried out for a pageant, against her friends’ advice, and placed last. After this, the winner of the Miss America pageant comes to visit their high school on a tour, and this upsets Ashley. 

While the girls were hanging out at school that day, Ashley makes fun of the winner, who is hard of hearing, by imitating a deaf voice, and Gurba describes that as “Ashley’s cruelty [giving her] goosebumps” (42) Gurba continuously chooses to surround herself with girls who don’t have the best reputations, as she hung out with “hos” in middle school, and describes her friends now in high school as “ not all [being] hos. Some were drunks and fools” (42). Gurba finds comfort in these nontraditional girls and their meanness. Ashley continues to make fun of the girl’s deafness, and Gurba agrees with her, saying “we nodded to show Ashley that we believed deaf Miss America had cunt breath. That’s what you do when you’re in high school and someone is your friend. You agree that other girls are cunts to prove your fealty to the girls you love” (43). Despite these girls not always being the kindest to others, they still have a strong sense of community within themselves, and ditch school and the Miss America assembly at Ashley’s request. Gurba questions how they will get off of school grounds, and her friends explain to her the plan and yell at her to “[not] pussy out” (43). While some may take offense to this, Gurba does not, and their meanness is a way for them to show each other endearment. When escaping the school, Ashley sacrifices her jacket over the barbed wire for the girls to climb over, and when Gurba’s shirt gets caught and ripped open, Conchita unpinned her skirt and used the pins to put Gurba’s shirt back together. This shows that although these girls can be mean, they will always, quite literally, have each other’s back no matter what. 

The girls drove away, smoking pot and eating lollipops, and ended up at a vendor’s market in a nearby college town. They see a lot of different people here, but one that sticks out to Gurba are the “politically minded assholes [who] were registering voters” (46). Then they split up into pairs to go off and beg for money so they can enjoy the market, since they didn’t have any money themselves. Frida and Gurba pair off and walk around window shopping and gossiping insensitively about a baseball coach and Sunday school teacher who molested the kids he taught as was arrested. Gurba shows little to no compassion for these boys, despite them being children that she knew personally and grew up with. She writes that “my heart refused to have compassion for those involved in our local chomo mess. Compassion was too risky” (47) Her and Frida continue to joke about the situation, the girls poking fun at it in a mean way. This goes back to these girls not being the best for nicest girls, but still finding a way to bond with each other through their harder exteriors. They then find a hippie and ask him to give them money for the market. When he obliges, Frida suggests that Gurba blow him as a thanks, and Gurba responds saying that she’s not into men. The hippie says she’s too young to know that about herself, and Frida responds by “[putting] her arm around me. I could feel her big breast press my bicep. ‘They start pretty young these days” (48). After this, the hippie smirks and Gurba says that the smirk “couldn’t touch us. Only we could touch each other.” These two quotes hint that the friendship between Frida and Gurba is more than just a friendship. It could be possible that Frida was trying to save Gurba from an uncomfortable situation, but seeing as that situation was at her request, it seems unlikely. The friendship between the girls is alluded to be more sexual here, possibly giving Gurba a comfortable place to explore her sexuality. She also initially said that Frida being Mexican attracted Gurba to her, as aforementioned. This is how this passage ends, so therefore, this is an examination of the passage “Bonnie,” and the acts feminine friendship being displayed throughout.

Discussion Questions:

– How do you think these friendships displayed impacted Gurba’s growth in the passages following “Bonnie”?

– Reflect on your high school friendships. How did they impact your growth into becoming who you are today?

Work Cited

Gurba, Myriam. Mean. Coffee House Press, 2017.

18 Replies to ““Bonnie” and Female Friendships”

  1. Hi Gianna! I really enjoyed your blog post, especially the part where you dug more into Frida and Gurba’s friendship while they could possibly find attraction towards each other. To answer your second question, I thought back to my highschool friendships and how those friendships taught me certain things in life. Having these certain close bonded friendships can improve your growth a lot. Having these friends can give you joy in your life and can help you learn about life as well. Gurba stated, “ Adrenaline and female bonding can overwhelm anything.” (Gurba 45). This quote made me think how strong a female bond is within one another. As you brought up with Gurba feeling comfortable with Frida because she fits her racial background, goes along with a lot of other girls as they are growing up at this age. When you find someone who makes you comfortable and has similarities with each other, they can help you through any tough times in your life and be there for you. It makes you think that Gurba is going through her early teenage years with these friends that can help her manage her way through the world.

  2. Hello Gianna! I really enjoyed reading your blog post. I like how you looked into the role of female friendships throughout the passages. I believe that your friends show a reflection of who you are as a person. We can see that Gurba has interesting friends that she surrounds herself with. We soon find out that these girls that Gurba considers her friends are not the nicest. When the winner of Miss America came to visit the girl’s school, Gurba’s friends Ashley and Frida were not happy. Ashley ended up competing in the same pageant as Miss America and placing last. Miss America was deaf and the girls were all aware of that. When the girls were sitting behind a religion classroom “Ashley yelled, “Fuck Miss America!” “Keep yellin’ it!” yelled Frida. “It’s not like she can hear you.”” (Gurba 42). A little after “In imitation deaf-voice, Ashley groaned, “NYOO AH BOOTIFUL!”” (Gurba 42). This shows us that Gurbas friends Ashley and Frida were rude and clearly did not have the best reputations based on the way they were acting. The reputations of Gurbas friends and the way they act can hurt her own reputation and how people view her.

    I will be answering your second question. My high school friendships have had a great impact in my growth on who I am today. Throughout high school I played softball and did cheerleading. Most of my friendships that I created came from the sports teams I was on since I was always with my teammates. I was able to have a close bond with my friends given that we had similar interest and were always spending time together. Even though we all are attending different colleges, we still have a close relationship with each other. My friends have always been there for me and supported me to be the best version of myself that I can be.

    1. Excellent job with this comment, Maddy! The fact that Gurba’s friends are both mean towards others and supportive of one another is certainly important to consider.

      As you edit your writing, keep an eye out for possessives: “Gurba’s friends” needs an apostrophe because they “belong” (in a grammatical sense) to her.

      Score: 4.5/5

  3. Hey Gianna! This is a well-thought-out and very organized blog post! To answer your second discussion question, I did not have just one best friend; I had many. At lunch, we had a whole table of girls, and we were all best friends. We would hang out outside of school, have parties, and we supported each other during athletic games. When Frida told Gurba, “Don’t pussy out” (43), that reminded me of my friend group during high school because we pushed each other to do risky, but safe things. The group of friends I had, pushed me to be the best person I could be, and they supported me throughout high school. I can relate to Gurba and her junior high experience because my friend group skipped school one time to go kayaking down the river. We all agreed that we needed a break, and we wanted to enjoy the sun before we had to sit through regents in the next couple of weeks.

    1. Good job with this comment, Hannah (and lovely personal connection to the reading!), just make sure your comment is bringing in an additional quote that will help the blogger strengthen their interpretation.

      Score: 4/5

  4. Hi Gianna! I really enjoyed your blog. I thought it was well thought out and written really well. I am going to answer your second question. Throughout my whole life I have always had more guy friends than girl friends. I think it is because I am not really a drama person and growing up all of the girls loved to get involved with drama. When I entered high school I made a lot of girl friends and thought they were a really good group that I could be myself around. It turned out I couldn’t and when we got to college we drifted. They all still hangout and are in contact with one another but left me out. I have much better friends here now and I learned not to associate myself with those type of girls so I can avoid unnecessary drama. This really impacted me as a person because once you find the right people to surround yourself with it feels like breathing in a breath of fresh air. Gurba stated, “ Adrenaline and female bonding can overwhelm anything.” (Gurba 45). I really related to this because I did not realize the meaning of this until I found my group. Once you bond and create those strong friendships it feels like such a powerful thing. Females and the bonds we create are so much stronger than we realize and those bonds can really overwhelm anything.

    1. Good job with this comment, Gabriella. In the future, just make sure your comment is analyzing a quote that hasn’t already been discussed by the blogger. In other words, it should be an additional piece of textual evidence that will help them strengthen their interpretation (either by further supporting or complicating their main point).

      Score: 4/5

  5. Gianna, I really like the topic you chose to do your blog post on. Everyone, especially girls, can relate to how middle school and high school friendships can have a huge effect on yourself. It is important that you chose to include the quote about how girls will do anything to prove their friendship to someone else. That really does happen for a lot of people growing up. They want to fit in and will sometimes do anything to keep their friends. My high school friends had a huge impact on me. Every friend taught me a different lesson. I had some friends like Ashley, who did not seem to care about anyone but themselves. Those types of friends impacted my growth by showing me exactly who I did not want in my life long term. I also had really great friends who treated me like family. In the part when the girls are jumping over the fence, Conchita reminded me of a friend that I had who would always help me without question. Gurba says, “Conchita undid the safety pins in her skirt. She slid them out of the hem, and I turned and presented my back to her. I felt her yanking, stabbing them into the fabric, pinning me shut again” (44). Conchita did not even have to be asked to do this for Gurba. She just selflessly helped Gurba out. Those are the types of friends I had that helped me grow as a person because they showed me healthy relationships, and what kind of people I want to surround myself with.

  6. Hi Gianna, I loved your blog post and thought this was a great choice to focus on this chapter and the relationship between Ashley, Bonnie, and Frida. To answer your second discussion question when reading this chapter made me think of little acts of service that my friends would do for me throughout high school that would put a smile on my face. One part of the reading that reminded me of this is when: “Ashley tossed her wool-lined jacket, so it draped over the wires twisting along the top of the fence. It was cool that she was sacrificing it so that our hands and crotches would be protected” (Gurba 43). Although I was never put in this exact position it reminded me of when your friends would decorate your lock for your birthday. Or if anyone was cold people would offer their jackets and I also had an extra blanket in my car for whoever needed it. These little gestures can impact a person to think about other people’s needs and how to help someone when they need it the most.

    Gurba, Myriam. Mean. Coffee House Press, 2017.

  7. Hi Gianna, I really liked your post. Especially how you pointed out the relationships between Gurba and her friends. It seems to me that Gurba is trying to find a sense of identity. This reminds me of the Woman Warrior by Maxine Hong Kingston. Both Guba and Kingston are women of minority cultures and both are looking for a sense of identity. In the book “Mean” Gurba said “One of them, Frida, was half Mexican. That attracted me to her.” (Gurba 42) Gurba was attracted to someone who was a part of her heritage. In the “Woman Warrior” chapter “No Name Woman” Kingston mentions being Chinese americans. “Chinese-Americans,when you try to understand what things in you are Chinese,how do you separate what is peculiar to childhood, to poverty,insanities,one family,your mother who marked your growing with stories,from What is Chinese? What is ChineseTradition and what are the movies?” (Kingston 5-6) Kingston was trying to explain how she felt as a Chinese American and how she doesn’t know. the definition

    1. Hi Micky. The connection you’re trying to draw between the two texts here isn’t totally clear. Keep in mind, you should be introducing a quote from Mean that hasn’t already been discussed. There also seem to be some typos (fragments, misspellings of Gurba).

      Score: 1/5

  8. Hi Gianna, really great blog post. Firstly, I wanted to say I like that you highlighted the fact that Gurba is more comfortable around her other Mexican friends. It’s obvious people feel more comfortable around people who are similar in most cases, however, in this book I feel the comfortability is more to show how they feel uncomfortable anywhere else. I feel Gurba portrays this message because it shows how she finds comfort in people with similar heritage and backgrounds because she feels like an outcast anywhere other than somewhere similar. This validation of Gurba’s cultural identity helps her to develop a sense of pride in her heritage and resist the racism that has been imposed on her. One quote from the book that contributes to this idea is on page 23. Gurba shows the disconnection she feels to white people like they are foreign or just so unrelated. This is because this is how she is made to feel. Gurba says, “I don’t think white people smell like wet dog. But white people’s houses do have a smell. The smell is sour and not very alive. Like a phonebook.” (Gurba 21). This quote is significant because it demonstrates how uncertain, uncomfortable, and unfamiliar. Gurba’s friendships impacted her growth by providing Gurba with a sense of belonging and solidarity, helping her to resist the pressure to assimilate into white culture.

  9. To answer your first question, her friendships in high school influenced the choice of friends she made in college. Her friendships in high school helped her feel like she belonged. One of her roommates is Ruth, she is a positive influence and of a similar background. In the book it says, “One of these girls was a rare thing for Berkely: a Chicana” (Gruba 86). Ruth is of a similar background and a positive influence in the chapter CC Cummings she supports Gruba when she is not feeling well.
    In the chapter Fall Semester 1996, we see again she makes new friends with roommates Carmen and Shakira. In this passage it says, “Both were Latina. This made me trust them” (Gruba 127). This is important as she learns to rely on the friendships she makes for support. She then goes on to share the story of her sexual assault. While she developed a lot of different dynamic female friendships, as she grows, she continues to find comfort in building relationships with girls of similar backgrounds.

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